I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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