Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
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