First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
