so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
