i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
