doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
tell your sister to shave her snatch
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
