He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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