Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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