Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Randomize
