Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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