Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
