Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Randomize
