It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
