Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
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