This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
then he tried to convert me to islam
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
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