god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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