he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
