the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I have feelings that need drinking.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
