everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
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