He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
