Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
