I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
