I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
