if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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