You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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