Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Randomize
