I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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