I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
