don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Randomize
