Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
