We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
