Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
