You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
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I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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