so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
