you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
She's the barista slut.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
