Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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