I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
