remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
