my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Randomize
