guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
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