If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
