He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
