just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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