No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
