That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
