Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
