you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
