i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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