i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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