Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
