there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
