i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
