Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
where are you?
Hypothermia
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
