The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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