and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
