I seem to have left my pride at pride
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Randomize
