I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
My dick has a subreddit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Who died my cat blue again?
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
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