I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
