He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
