If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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