Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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