Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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