Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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