You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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