i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
