im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
